Monday, September 29, 2014

Hey There Lonely Girl...

KNITTED BF
Original article by:
 
So there I was, just getting my google on, and all of a sudden, THIS.  I've pulled all of these photos from the Huffington Post, and they've got the whole scoop on this well crafted man friend, which you can read by clicking the linky under the picture. However, I'll be giving you the "I'm OK being a 'C' student," Cliff Notes version. 



knitted bf
Artist Noortje De Kejzer sometimes felt lonely and the sad, and desperate landscape of the modern dating scene did nothing to help her shake that feeling. And, she figured others must, at times, feel lonely themselves. So, she created her very own knitted boyfriend, which speaks to the human condition and the want of companionship. 

knitted bf
I hope my project brings a bit of recognition, and awareness that everybody feels lonely from time to time. That it is totally fine to talk about it or even laugh about it! I tried to make a very humorous project about this serious subject. I believe that laughing about a negative feeling is already the beginning of a more positive and happy feeling. And when you feel positive and happy with yourself, the right person will come along!
                
knitted bf
 I guess you could say this project was truly a labor of love. 

knitted bf brush teeth
 Best of luck, you crazy kids!


Noorje put together a charmingly humorous little film on her my knitted boyfriend project, and they life they live together. Give it a view.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A Little Toilet Humor...

 Grandma, it's time to stop.
Uncomfortable.
This just makes me uncomfortable. 
In all of my days, I've never said "You know, the one thing this toilet seat is missing is the sweet caress of rough crochet, preferably, the same crochet that has caressed many other buttcheeks." Not. Once.  
Also, can we discuss the unfortunate color scheme? Yellow and brown. Yellow and brown, blanketing your toilet seat. If that's not an invitation to sit on down and make yourself at home, I don't know what is! 
 
 Why do I feel like someone's about to get murdered? If ever there was a scene of foreboding and menace, this is it. TP doesn't like you trying to taking his place, little guy. I think you know that already, judging by the look on your... face? He's going to make sure you hang, and not on the... spinny thingy.
But... why?

WHY?
 I've seen these. These are real life. I've been in houses where they stare at you, stare at you with their dead eyes and skirts full of secrets. And there you are, just sitting there, half naked while Barbs just smiles at you.  Again, uncomfortable.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

It's Been A While...

Hello, blogger my old friend. 
I cannot guess how long it's been, 
Since I last posted in this place.
Writing words in cyberspace.
Tales of fashion gone awry
Knits so bad they'll make you cry
But there's a beauty to behold
in crochet shorts and patterns bold
And so, I'm back to write some more
so buckle up, there's lots in store.


My sweet landscape of wrecked and wonderful knitwear. How I've missed you. Oh, how I've missed you! We were never meant to be apart so long. We go together like peas and carrots, Forrest and Jenny, Tom Hiddleston and Myself... wait. (That last one may be unproven, but I'm guessing 100% accurate.)

Knitted Hiddleston Available on ArtFire
by The Cheeky Girl

I googled "Knitted Tom Hiddleston," and BY JOVE there he is in his Henry the Vth kit. Is there anything the sweet, sweet insanity of the internet can't provide? The creator of this piece is obviously talented, and you should check out her crafty custom pieces.

But I digress. Hiddles deserves a post all his own.

Anyway, this won't be a long post, but I wanted to let you know to start expecting good things. Good things like this:

This gives you a whole new perspective on granny squares. Yowza. 


Sunday, December 22, 2013

An Updated Favorite and Happy Festivus!

I didn't choose the Christmas Sweater Life;
The Christmas Sweater Life chose me.
So, making a new sweater this year was not really in the stars for me, but speaking of stars, I did have time to throw together that sparkly little tiara. (It's a tiiiiiiiiara!!!! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me!) The sweater is a remix too, but you've got to admit, those shoulder bows really gave it the punch it was missing. I think it brought new life into the old girl. This is how I dressed for the last day of work of 2013. I felt like it put a nice cap on the year, and affirmed to everyone that I really should have been born in Whoville. I've been slammed and haven't been able to update the blog much this year, but I'm hoping to get out one good post before the season ends. Be on the look out for a third installment of Swingin' Soltice Singles, as it's time for tales of lasting love, all wrapped up in cozy knitwear.

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a happy or at least tolerable Festivus tomorrow. Best of luck in the feats of strength! (May the odds be ever in your favor!)

This sweater is Festivus appropriate, but if you can't find a sweater, a puffy shirt will work in a pinch.

Jerry, you look like you've got a grievance to air.
Here's a helpful link to help your Festivus run more smoothly. I'd hate for anyone to have to rain blows upon you!


Happy Festivus to all the rest of us!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

The Cat Lady Starter Kit...

At some point, I think you just get the crazy cat lady starter kit sent to your door. It's not so much that you're looking to own 15 cats, as it is the universe assumes that since you're 30ish, female, and single, you're probably heading that way. For me, this was last year. They, the cats, just started showing up at my house. Cats. More than one. Multiple cats started hanging out, like they'd been invited or summoned. Now, don't get me wrong, I like cats. I used to have a cat, the best one ever probably, but that was my choice, Universe! Stop sending me your spares! However, if I was to become a crazy cat lady, I think I've found a few items that I'd want to throw in my basket.

First off, let's talk about that up there. Knit Your Own Cat. KNIT YOUR OWN CAT. I mean, there are 16 frisky felines you can make! 16 of them! Each of your real cats can have a stuffed cat of its own!
Those eyes. I'm guessing each and every one of those cats is tweaked out on the 'nip. It's their first time seeing in color, and ME-WOW! It's like a sweater made from the tasty rainbow trail of Nyan-Cat.

Of course, having cats is a hobby all its own, but what do you do with them once you start collecting them? Easy, you knit for them. Cat in a hoodie? Why not? Obviously the cat is enjoying it.

Almost as much as the cat in the... hat. Yoda?
etsy
AND then there's this! The, a little too realistic , knitted cat scarf, for you to wear. I might be wrong, but bonus points if I'm right- I'm thinking that's knitted from real cat hair. Also, you can use it to threaten your pets too, if they start misbehaving. "You remember Mr. Whiskers, Mittens? DO YOU? He thought my couch was a scratching post too. Now, he goes perfectly with my green sweater."
Those eyes have seen terrible things.

uniqart
Puuuurfect

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Go BIG or Go HOME


I live in America. 'MURICA. We like things BIG. We super-size every thing: meals, houses, cars, waistlines, even problems. (ACA...)You name it; we like it with two heaping scoops of extra ginormous. However, we don't have a monopoly hugeness. Imagine my surprise when I found that little infographic up top there. When it comes to sweaters of unusual size or SOUSes, I didn't even think they existed, until I was attacked by one in the Fire Swamp. 

I couldn't find an image of the giant UK sweater, so I give you this one from New Zealand! It only makes sense really, given their world- renowned, high-quality wool, that they'd put it to good use, such as knitting a sweater no one could ever actually wear. NZ, I like it. I like your offbeat sense of humor, your easygoing attitude, and your plentiful hobbits. You could probably clothe the whole population of the Shire with that one garment.

 Oh China, you put in an excellent effort, but I'm afraid you're taking bronze in the Sweaterlympics. Turkey's put us all to shame, and we here in the US didn't even place! Here's to better luck in the floor exercises.

This sweater bears an uncanny resemblance to Big Foot, as in it was ridiculously difficult to find pictures, and what I did find was small, blurry, and couldn't be trusted to not just be some guy in a gorilla suit or in this case, a close up of a Seurat painting. Oh Peru, you and your wealth of mysteries- ancient, creepy mummies, crystal skulls, giant pixelated sweaters...

I guess that is one way to save on the heating bills. Turkey, you've outdone yourself. You've outdone everyone, actually. That is by far the biggest sweater I've ever seen, and I've been to an American Wal-Mart! Congratulations. You've done your country proud.

And now... for something completely different.


 "Aaaaaaaaas yooooouuuu wiiiiiiiiiish!"

Monday, November 18, 2013

A Time To Be Thankful... And Single

I'VE DONE MY WAITING! 12 YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN!
Wait... wait... that's Sirius Black, not me. Still, I've done my waiting too, many, many years of it, as have most of us. I have fond memories of the kids' table though, surrounded by cousins, telling stories, arguing about cartoon shows like adults do about politics, and eating home-cooked goodness until we almost vomited. ('Murica) However, I can proudly say I've been promoted from the kids table. That's right, now, I proudly sit at the "you're still single at your age?" table, and that's GOT to count for something.

 And now that I am in that stage of life, spinsterhood, I feel like I can probably get away with wearing classic Thanksgiving gems like this little number. Just look at those zazzy turkeys! Nothing says "I don't plan on having a boyfriend for the holidays or ever" quite like a checker-blocked cardigan riddled, yes, riddled, with festively feathered fowl. 

Of course, there's also this. I bet it says something like "I'm 'Beary' Thankful" or "Don't Forget The 'Cranbeary' Sauce" on the back. It also says "Keep on moving, hottie. I can't 'bear' the thought of a relationship."

 etsy
Or maybe this one. I mean, if you're going to give up, give up big... don't even get the bird right.  Chickens? Sure, why not?

BUT WAIT! WHAT'S THIS?! A man that shares my affinity for thankfulness, sass, and sweaters?! Well, just look at that delightfully awkward beefcake! I don't see a ring on that finger, sweetcheeks... maybe there's hope to move on from the "why are you ***always*** single?" table yet! Maybe someday our paths will cross. One can only hope! Who knows, perhaps I might even find him on Knit Together!

***Emphasis added for a more realistic experience***